What are your outrageous rider demands?

I've recently been enjoying the Backstage Pass section at The Smoking Gun, where they publish sneaked copies of artists' rider and other tour contracts (http://www.thesmokinggun.com/backstagetour/index.html).

Aerosmith's "no alcohol" rule... well, 'nuff said, but their East Indian-style room (to be decorated by record company staff) was interesting; Aretha Franklin's demands that not only must A/C and other vents be switched off, but sealed shut as well; David Bowie's lack of food requests; clean underwear for Jane's Addiction?!; stringent dry-cleaning requirements for Michael Bolton; and you could feed Africa with the food Tom Petty and his crew get through... all very interesting. Aerosmith might be one of the big earners on the road, but they are sure big spenders as well. Also, I wonder if the Smoking Gun people intentionally put Elton John in the Divas section (laughs)?

Anyway, to all you touring musicians on these boards (present and past): what are/were your rider requirements?

Forums: The Bar,

cheese board
beer
wine
towels
water

yeah, nah not so exciting. Not for me either, I am but lowly management.

cakes and fine wines. the finest wines known to humanity!!!!!

Yeah, I noticed that a lot of the artists requested "very good" wines. I reckon if you slipped 'em a few bottles of $5 plonk they wouldn't know the difference. You'd still get someone saying "I say, this is a cheeky little tipple. Obviously from the southwestern tip of the Bordeaux region, where there seems to have been a lot of rain some time prior to harvesting - possibly the third week of August. And I do believe I discern a hint of smoked oak, although the slightly rounded nuances mean that it was quite patently brought in from Wales".

"Very good wine" indeed...