Posted on orders from Oliver Brackenbury, who writes about First World Problems:
Enjoying the term, we made a list (sadly lost since then) of First World Problems and it was a good provider of perspective as well as komedy laffs. Two prize ones from my past experience include...
"Aw man, I'm so full. I'm not going to be able to get full value for my money at this buffet!".
"God dammit, this stationary store has a custom ink stamp for every letter but the two I need for my initials!"
One of the best things about First World Problems is how often people complain about them while being unaware of how, in a global perspective, they are lucky to even have such a problem. I think that the best First World Problem should be a bit like a pun, making the listener or reader groan as much as laugh.
So, offya go. Please submit your First World Problems here.
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OKAY I'LL START.
The email filter at my work is so annoying - friends' emails keep getting bounced because they have more than one swear word in them.
Overheard at a party the other week: "Ew! I just bit into what I thought was an olive, but it turned out to be a scorched almond!"
OKAY I'LL CONTINUE
'Man, it costs $3 million to start a Hooters in NZ.'
'Why is there no Dunkin' Donuts in Wellington, damnit and what about that Wendy's, oh well I guess we will just have to put up with McDonalds, Burger King, Burger Fuel, Burger Wisconsin...'
'Harrumph, They don't have eftpos and I never carry cash, we aren't going to bother with this place. It's not worth it...'
I am totally distraught over the fact that the Shell station down the road changed management and with it they changed the pies they sell. They used to stock Big Ben pies, which are pretty decent for heated pies and now they have the considerably lesser Mrs Macs line of pies (and I use that term loosely). Man, I enjoy a good pie on the way home after a night on the town. I guess on the plus side, I'm not eating as much crap as I used to. But isn't that much of a plus. Oh and I just remembered they don't stock Primo chocolate milk, the bestest drink for that fuzzy head the next morning. I have to compromise yet again. How am I supposed to maintain standards in a world like this?
Hang on, so you're allowed
Hang on, so you're allowed to get away with one swear word?
Yes so choose carefully
Yes so choose carefully
Getting a warm toilet seat
Getting a warm toilet seat is SO gross. Those 3rd world people don't know how lucky they have it squatting. No warm shared seats for them!
Complaints re: this subject line would be extra ironic, right?
In Japan the electronically controlled toilets have warmed seats. It's such a bad vibe for Westerners, I think... I can't help but think about someone else having just sat there, not to mention the gently nurtured bacteria... I'm usually the least giving-a-fuck about bacteria and so on, too.
I hated the heated toilet
I hated the heated toilet seats too - until I went skiing. Maaaaaaaaan, it was a good sit down then!
More tech business
Had to try the list function. :)
Heh. Some guy has a theory
Heh. Some guy has a theory on the cellphone thing. The higher the ratio of functions:buttons is, the more people will hate it (computers are sort of excluded from this rule). It was used to explain the resurgence in the analogue watch, and people's ongoing hatred of video recorders.
iPods must also be exempt.
iPods must also be exempt. Although, like all Apple stuff, it's the intuitive OS that makes it so sweet.
I can't use my airpoints to
I can't use my airpoints to upgrade my flight because they're on Air NZ and my flights are on Singapore Airlines. Oh, the injustice!
Latest complaint: Ach! I
Latest complaint: Ach! I wanted to check the time, but I left my mobile phone in NZ!
no wonder you didn't get my
no wonder you didn't get my txt
'The on-demand interactive
'The on-demand interactive entertainment system in long haul flights takes 2 minutes to startup and when the captain talks she interrupts my movies'
Wow, snap, that's exactly
Wow, snap, that's exactly the complaint I had yesterday. They kept on interrupting my solitaire game for long-winded diatribes about duty free, first in spanish, then english.
Also, when you get out a DVD and start watching it, then realise you've already seen it.
try 24 hr flight from
try 24 hr flight from germany to nz and the games weren't working. no mario!
are 2nd world problems
are 2nd world problems acceptable?
i got a shitload
such as why only one of the two guys handling my big mac was wearing gloves
why can i drink my bottle of
why can i drink my bottle of coke in kfc but not drink my bottle of pepsi in mcdonalds?
1st world problems? why i
1st world problems?
why i have to be 4.5 metres and neither 4 nor 5 metres away from that building to smoke?
(brisbane) australia is 1st world right?
if so, why do i no longer
if so, why do i no longer have the legal right to hunt and kill abos?
why do you have to call a
why do you have to call a cab in auckland and not be able to just hail one on the street?
why do people with cerebal palsy keep getting harrassed by the auckland police because they look drunk and disorderly?
why does it cost about $35
why does it cost about $35 bucks for a cab from town to the airport, and $65 from the airport to town? oh wait, thats right, they're ripping off the tourists!
Auckland needs more
Auckland needs more rickshaws!
不是，你为什么说了
不是，你为什么说了这样的？
noone came to assist after i
noone came to assist after i was mugged because the entire force was off gangbanging Debbie Gerbich
Fourth world problems: Eno
Fourth world problems: Eno keeps mucking about with the octave-shifter on my trumpet.
Love, Jon Hassell
the square rootest of world
the square rootest of world problems.
the government meddled with the legislation; meaning i can no longer administer smacks to my gf with any force greater than 3N. it's enough to cause welts but doesn't produce the desired 80dB yelp to get me off. vote the nationalist sexualist party
sometimes I just take the
sometimes I just take the cynical point of view that I'm blessed enough to not live in the crap that others have to endure. Therefore I should expect all the selfish, self indulgent perks of being blessed with not having to live in such indignant suffering. However this is only momentary, I'm not actually that heartless or cold. Though I have noticed over recent years what can only be described as ineffective apathy has subsided a lot and I don't find myself pondering the suffering of other weighted against my blessing. Mind you, I do actively 'help' more now, am able to give more money, assistance or whatever than once before.
no, actually, I think I just
no, actually, I think I just don't care anymore so much... guess time jades
I'm going to move house - a
I'm going to move house - a work associate lives very near to one of the Auckland telephone exchanges and his broadband speed is unbelieveable!
Really?
Really?
my buttler keeps gas bagging
my buttler keeps gas bagging to one of my various cleaning maids... and the gardener keeps washing his tools near the pool! sure the run off is only merky for a few minutes, but what if the neighbours see when they're flying over in there helicopter.
the needle exchange isn't
the needle exchange isn't open 24 hours
'doctor' says i suffer from 'depression'
i can actually read the grafitti on my neighbours fence; "john fucks roadkill"
the government expects me and some others to do it's hiring and firing every few years
i earn less than i spend
My words fail to have
My words fail to have actions
My inaction, well words fail me.
the Arse lost to West Ham again, thats a major problem.
I hate how they start giving
I hate how they start giving me hope again, this late in the season. WHEN WILL THE ROLLERCOASTER END??
First week of May by the
First week of May by the look of 3 English in Champions semi's.
It'll go to the last day, remember the year West Brom stayed up despite being bottom at the start of play. that was magic.
pah, WHU have made a
pah, WHU have made a specialty of the last-game decider. Since I started following, I'm pretty sure they've been promoted, relegated, and avoided relegation twice in the last game of the season.
My latest problem is why it
My latest problem is why it takes 10 go to post anything on this site
I am typing i look up its all gone
this never used to happen in the old days/world.......
West Ham are doomed and rightly so after Sunday mornings spineless capitulation.
I'm endorsing Flatwounds
I'm endorsing Flatwounds
and confirmed this morning. Bad Luck Heather.
who is gonna get Tevez? I'd like to say the Arse but Dein walke out this morning...
trouble in the whanau and probably means end of Wenger.
student loan
student loan
i'm never paying that back.
i'm never paying that back. suckahs!
i'm going to lump it into my
i'm going to lump it into my mortgage. when i get one...
i used the student loan calculator the other day and it said it would take me over 41 years to pay back my loan. WOOHOO!!
You're much better off NOT
You're much better off NOT lumping it in with your mortgage. Your loan, even when they were interest-bearing, had a lower rate than mortgage interest rates. And, should you suffer a horrible early death, your student loan would disappear in a puff of smoke, but your mortgage lives on to haunt your family...
hmm. good point. i'm never
hmm. good point. i'm never listening to my mum again!
I have to share... recently
I have to share... recently an nzmer-who-shall-remain-nameless was heard to remark that she wears her sunglasses when she's swimming, because it's not completely satisfying floating peacefully in the water when the sun's shining right in her eyes.
first world problem How
first world problem
How readily first world citizens propaganda like:...
"One of the best things about First World Problems is how often people complain about them while being unaware of how, in a global perspective, they are lucky to even have such a problem."
...up the ass.
when really, living in 'first world' police states where reasonable human rights and concerns are ignored is about as repressed as humans have ever been.
e.g.:
young man is walking on a small country road near nz small town when a police office stops his car and begins this dialogue:
officer: what are you doing?
young man:I'm walking home
officer: that's a bit strange don't you think, walking home in the dark
young man:i've just been at a funeral, i'm walking home
officer: don't you think you should have found some other way to get home?
office: i was at a funeral, people were drinking, i can't drive home, my mt dad is *** ********* he owns the ******** in town.
officer: ok, have a nice night
By definition, that's not a
By definition, that's not a First World Problem. The commentator isn't saying that every problem experienced by the first world is a trifling matter (and I wager your example isn't unique to the first world), but has contrived the term "First World Problems" to refer to a subset of complaints that are trifling, or at least wouldn't exist in less (financially) comfortable living conditions.
whatever first world
whatever
first world problems
my dog no longer gets hard enough to truly satisfy me
first world problems
political system encourages freedom of debate, polarizatiNating, a population who can only argue about it, can't vote on it.
meanwhile the government fucks around for about 6 months on something that could be pushed through in about a minute with a show of hands. because they have no good ideas
I'm endorsing Flatwounds
I'm endorsing Flatwounds
what is this guestbook thing? What does that mean?
and buddylist, what is this girlguides?
haha
haha