I'm meeting my girlfriend's Dad for the first time soon and I started hassling her about what I was planning to wear. The plan so far is:
Hair spiked up and plastered solid with hair product, possibly with steps shaved in the sides.
Sunglasses worn 100% of the time.
Glow stick as necklace.
See through black or silver mesh 'muscle' vest.
Tight tight tight black PVC pants.
Big-soled black 'Pulp' style boots.
What would you wear to create the worst first impression on your significant other's parents? What have you done in the past? In fact, just general worst first impressions on anyone would interest me.
Delicious
Digg
Reddit
Facebook
Google
Technorati
The worst impression one of my ...
The worst impression one of my boyfriends ever made on my parents, he did simply by being 42 to my 22. I don't think you can get a whole lot older than her really quickly, though.
Sounds like a dirty old man...
Sounds like a dirty old man
Refer to the girlfirend as "your ...
Refer to the girlfirend as "your bitch". Not that your sexualist or anything, you respect your ho's. Aaaeeeiiii (etc, more really funny stuff like that.....).
turn up with some big can rans....
turn up with some big can rans.
Congratulate him on raising a daughter ...
Congratulate him on raising a daughter who's so good at giving head and ask him if he had her practicing it when she was growing up.
Yes, and then ask him if he'd like a ...
Yes, and then ask him if he'd like a demonstration.
god you really do need help....
god you really do need help.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ...
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./Our Cruisers cannot repel whining of this/
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . / magnitude! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . /
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,--~~~~~~~~--,_ . . . ./. ___________________________________/
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ : : : :::: :::: :: : : : : :º ‘-, . . //. . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . . .,-‘ :: : : :::: :::: :::: :::: : : :o : ‘-, . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘ :: ::: :: : : :: :::: :::: :: : : : : :O ‘-, . . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . .,-‘ : :: :: :: :: :: : : : : : , : : :º :::: :::: ::’; . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . .,-‘ / / : :: :: :: :: : : :::: :::-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;/ . . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . /,-‘,’ :: : : : : : : : : :: :: :: : ‘-, ;; ;; ;; ;; ;; ;;| . . . . . . .
. . . . . . . /,’,-‘ :: :: :: :: :: :: :: : ::_,-~~,_’-, ;; ;; ;; ;; | . . . . . . .
. . . . . _/ :,’ :/ :: :: :: : : :: :: _,-‘/ : ,-‘;’-‘’’’’~-, ;; ;; ;;,’ . . . . . . . .
. . . ,-‘ / : : : : : : ,-‘’’ : : :,--‘’ :|| /,-‘-‘--‘’’__,’’’ / ;; ;,-‘ . . . . . . . .
. . . / :/,, : : : _,-‘ --,,_ : : / :/ ||/ /,-‘-‘x### ::/ / ;;/ . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . // /---‘’’’ : / #/ : :/ : : / :/ /| | : (O##º : :/ /-‘’ . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . /,’____ : :/ ‘-#/ : /, : :/ :/ / / : ‘-,___,-‘,-`-,, . . . . . . . . . . .
. . . . ‘ ) : : : :’’’’--,,--,,,,,,¯ / / :: ::--,,_’’-,,’’’¯ :’- :’-, . . . . . . . . .
. . . . .) : : : : : : ,, : ‘’’’~~~~’ / :: :: :: :’’’’’¯ :: ,-‘ :,// . . . . . . . . .
. . . . ./,/ /|//| | :/ / : : : : : : : ,’-, :: :: :: :: ::,--‘’ :,-‘ / / . . . . . . . .
. . . . .//’|// /|/ ‘/ / :: :_--,, : , | )’; :: :: :: :,-‘’ : ,-‘ : : :/ /, . . . . . . .
. . . ./¯ :| / |/ : |// :: ::----, :// :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,,_ . . . .
. . ..| : : :/ ‘’-(, :: :: :: ‘’’’’~,,,,,’’ :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : : : :,-‘’’// . . . .
. ,-‘ : : : | : : ‘’) : : :¯’’’’~-,: : ,--‘’’ : :,-‘’ : : : : : : : : : ,-‘ :¯’’’’’-,_ .
./ : : : : :’-, :: | :: :: :: _,,-‘’’’¯ : ,--‘’ : : : : : : : : : : : / : : : : : : :’’-,
/ : : : : : -, :¯’’’’’’’’’’’¯ : : _,,-~’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| : : : : : : : : :
: : : : : : : :¯’’~~~~~~’’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :
ha
that is awesome...
that is awesome
I rocked up in my smokey unwarranted un ...
I rocked up in my smokey unwarranted un rego'd rusty old bedford. Billy Ray Mullet , iron maiden shirt dirty old ripped jeans & bare feet.
Honked three times & yelled "hurry up you slack tart."
Jaws dropped in that nice suburb of Pauanui.
// I rocked up in my smokey unwarranted ...
// I rocked up in my smokey unwarranted un rego'd rusty old bedford. Billy Ray Mullet , iron maiden shirt dirty old ripped jeans & bare feet.
you turned up as me?
//you turned up as me? Yeah, ...
//you turned up as me?
Yeah, that'll make any parent ship their daughter off to a convent.
// you turned up as me........ oh ...
// you turned up as me........
oh remembered from a post of blinks
ask them for money to fund your "projects"
Ha ha. Her step daddy was a policeman....
Ha ha.
Her step daddy was a policeman.
// ask them for money to fund your ...
// ask them for money to fund your "projects"
hahahahaahaaahh....:(
Hit on the mother. The the father....
Hit on the mother.
The the father.
[ http://www.gestaltswitch.co.nz ]
Hit on the mother. Then the father....
Hit on the mother.
Then the father.
[ http://www.gestaltswitch.co.nz ]
nah just act like your normal self . . ...
nah just act like your normal self . . . . . . but dribble alot
(as in actual spit dribble - all down your chin)
and if you're having dinner with him ...
and if you're having dinner with him eat your entire meal using a spoon - never even look at the knife & fork !!
(or if soup is on the menu - use the fork)
thus freeing your other ...
thus freeing your other hand,.............. I'll leave it for you to pick where you should put it to cause the most distress.
gee jimi, you must really hate the ...
gee jimi, you must really hate the bitch.
bahaha, speaking of bad first ...
bahaha, speaking of bad first impressions...
troll...
troll
I don't hate her at all. Quite the ...
I don't hate her at all. Quite the opposite.
I just enjoy dallying with my darker side every now and again.
Put forward your theory on why ...
Put forward your theory on why apartheid was good for South Africa.
I got that one from meeting a previous girlfriend's grandad for the first time. Smile and nod.
just whisper alot, and get her to do ...
just whisper alot, and get her to do all the talking for you, never fails.
Talk about yourself all the time, when ...
Talk about yourself all the time, when your GF tries to speak talk in a baby voice " hunny your parents and I are speaking you just shush up now and speak when spoken too"
Use the words fuck, shit, ass and cunt in the same sentence.
Eg
"When I was comming over here this fucken cunt in a shit ass car pulled right out in front of me"
Or "this fucken cunt was giving me shit the other night so I beat the shit out of his bitch ass"
*Extra points for using shit twice and bitch*
Ask the mother how old she is and if she knows about the break through hair removel techniques for women, because her upper lip is looking a bit like murv huges on a bad day.
If they are religious, call jesus your "homeboy" or even refer to him as JC, OR point out everything that is WRONG with their given religion and speak about who religion is such a bunch of hypocritical crap and never has done anyone any good.
They will absolutely love you
Pepper your dialogue with quotes from ...
Pepper your dialogue with quotes from Vanilla Ice's motion picture debut, "Cool As Ice".
"I'm gonna go across the street and, uh, schling a schlong."
[ external link ]
OW! *laughing* It hurts!! Johnny: ...
OW! *laughing* It hurts!!
Johnny: So, whassup fellas?
Nick: Just doing a little a batting practice on your bike.
Johnny: It's not mine. It's Sir D.'s
Nick: Who is Sir D.
Johnny: He's my homeboy.
Nick: Yea? WELL HOMEBOY THIS!
[ external link ]
directed at parents at end of ...
directed at parents at end of night:
"it was such a nice evening... and to think, if rohypnol didn't exist we probably never would've met. anyway take care"
too far?
Let it slip that last night you went ...
Let it slip that last night you went hunting ducks around the pond at the local public reserve with a machette. Then unzip your backpack a little so they can see you weren't lying.
That's a real one from someone I flatted with ages ago... *shivers* ...glad I'm alive to tell the tale.
Uh, so not actually parents, just ...
Uh, so not actually parents, just meeting a friend of gf for the first time. I can't remember exactly what I did, but I picked up a tomahawk next to the fire, and probably said something with a demented look in my eye. And, well, heh, she's still apparently terrified of me.
I don't know. I probably just picked it up and ran my finger along the edge of the blade with a maniacal grin on my face and complemented her on its sharpness...
Actually, even just excessive ...
Actually, even just excessive smiling/grinning can make people feel uncomfortable and paranoid. I tend to smile a lot, and it really does bother people.
ohh looking forward to seeing this ...
ohh looking forward to seeing this scary grin, The Fandamily is thinking of coming down to Dunners for the 1st week of the Holidays .. Monday the 26th onward, it really depends on the weather and how much petrol has gone up by then.
oh the 1st impressions to look forward to.
That's weird, I smile a lot and it ...
That's weird, I smile a lot and it usually results in parents liking me more than the guy friends whose parents they are. When I was in the UK there was a guy at my work that I really really fancied, and he hardly gave me the time of day. His parents were at the pub after work once and they loved me. We weren't even introduced at all, but his dad came back from ordering drinks and already knew my name.
Now I think about it, sometimes I think my ex-husband's parents were almost faintly embarrassed about me becoming part of the family because they thought I was too good for him...
I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with being smiley.
"smiley" is one of the politer ...
"smiley" is one of the politer nicknames I've had to put up with. I think other things may mitigate my smile's benevolence. Heh, back in the day, friends' parents used to like me because they hoped that an alleged virtue of mine would rub off on their offspring. The hilarious thing is that, um, well, I think you can probably guess what my work habits are like. heheh.
I don't know. I think the fact that I'm just smiling as I walk down the street or whatever is disconcerting. The hilarious corollary is that if I'm not smiling, people tend to think that I'm angry/depressed. After I had my wisdom teeth out, it hurt to smile for a week or so, and man, people were either walking on egg shells, or coming on all like "what's getting you down?".
//oh the 1st impressions to look ...
//oh the 1st impressions to look forward to.
I'm much more muted these days. Man, back in the day, I gave out the best/worst/hilariousest first impressions.
//I don't know. I think the fact that ...
//I don't know. I think the fact that I'm just smiling as I walk down the street or whatever is disconcerting.
Yeah, I can sort of understand that, although I've never had anyone complain. More often than not I just get smiles back; especially from bus drivers. Maybe it's a gender thing.
//The hilarious corollary is that if I'm not smiling, people tend to think that I'm angry/depressed.
Yeah, somehow when I'm not smiling I really do look angry or depressed. Or bored. I inherited the Mitchell family jowls, I think.
// I tend to smile a lot, and it really ...
// I tend to smile a lot, and it really does bother people.
I think it was in a Viz magazine they suggested it's the surest way to have a seat to yourself on a bus - just smile broadly at everyone getting on.
//it's the surest way to have a seat ...
//it's the surest way to have a seat to yourself on a bus - just smile broadly at everyone getting on.
Yeah, it's the surest way to attract the complete freaks.
// just smile broadly at everyone ...
// just smile broadly at everyone getting on.
indeed. a cheery 'hello' as they approach your seat is the real clincher.
// Yeah, it's the surest way to ...
// Yeah, it's the surest way to attract the complete freaks.
that is the backfire drawback, of course.
//if I'm not smiling, people tend to ...
//if I'm not smiling, people tend to think that I'm angry/depressed
God, that's so true. And almost the fastest way to get me actually pissed off...
watch 'meet the parents' and 'meet ...
watch 'meet the parents' and 'meet the fucks'
"he likes music.....doof doof"...
"he likes music.....doof doof"
Parents love me. All of them. ...
Parents love me. All of them. Everyone's parents.
Except maybe when I ranted at someone's parent about how crap all the adults that worked at the supermarket (Pak N Save U/H - 1995-96) are, and how awesome and powerful they think they are... but they just work in a shitty supermarket job...
... I later on found out that she works there...
I still feel bad about that one... she is a lovely lady.
she isn't reading, you can let it go...
she isn't reading, you can let it go
ahh fuck it - when he opens the door, ...
ahh fuck it - when he opens the door, make sure you're standing there, casual as . . . . but with your cock hanging out.
Oh nah wait . . . . . even better . . . ...
Oh nah wait . . . . . even better . . . .
Don’t show up at all, instead have some of your mates turn up saying that you guys always share your bitches around
. . . and they should have their cocks ...
. . . and they should have their cocks hanging out