My ideal bar would be dark, with big couchey booths, and you'd always be able to find a seat if you wanted one. It'd have wallpaper like the new stuff Indigo has that I'm in love with (dark burgandy covered in gold fleur de lilies, if you haven't seen it) and more chandaliers. There'd be a good range of cocktails, but you can also get beers on the cheap. It'd also do food. There would be no TVs.

The music would be a range of current indie to older indie, and there'd be a "death to house music!" sign discreetly by the turn tables.

The bar would be filled with hott boys and hott girls, and the music would be quiet enough that I could still dazzle people with my amazing wit. The people there would be a range of regulars and new talent. They'd all be over 21, and be friendly and outgoing.

There'd be a dance floor with a stage, and it'd be well away from the seating areas, so that people could either listen to the bands, or have a drink and a talk, and SHUT THE FUCK UP IN FRONT OF THE BAND.

The bathrooms would be kept spotless, and they'd be spacious enough to allow for a quiet puke or little bit of mischief, so that couples could keep it in their pants on the dance floor (but customers would be the socially responsible type and only have sex in the men's room).

I guess if you threw together Indigo, and Deschler's and Ruby in Kingsland, you'd get the sort of vibe I'm after.

My bar would have champagne, and lots of it. Anything else, I'm not so concerned about.

Oh, and naturally there would be really kickass and good looking bands playing all the time.

And Johnny Cash would come back from the dead for an intimate evening of acoustic stylings every second Tuesday, and sometimes he would sing duets with Tom Waits or Dolly Parton or both, but then it wouldn't be a duet.

And there would be ice cream and pie on the house for everyone.

And all the patrons would wear fantastic shoes.

And there would be go-go dancers in vinyl hot pants.

And my bar will have scientists who have invented the fine art of teleportation, so people in New Zealand could come to it.

Okay, so I'm concerned about a few more things than just lots of champagne, but champagne is important too.

Ok ok this may be quite long so bare with me...

My Bar...
from the outside it looks resonably scummy, brick building, some paint but mostly peeling, sticker, gig posters, some interesting graffitti on the bus stop next to it, there is a walled out door area, the wall is tall and old brick covered in grass and moss and ivy, there are broken bits of brick around it, and people have stuck traffic cones on the top. There are two entrances... one from the ground level around the back of the walled aread, through a gate.. in this area there are picnic bench style tables with umbrellas permanantly up on most of them, its paved with concrete slabs and there isnt any proper drainage so in one corner there's a table that no one uses because its always surrounded by water
The other entrance is round the side of the building you alight a set of stairs and enter on a walkway, your run of the mill concrete and metal road crossing type bridge construction, straight ahead this walkway has a door which leads into the bar, but its possible to follow the walkway round the building as it forms a sort of incomplete balcony (as it only goes round clockwise as far as above the walled area) as you enter its carpeted with some natty old paisley ish carpet wearing through to the floorboards threadbare in someplaces, there are a few big roughly hewn dark wood tables with similarily crafted chairs, the wall sides of these tables have bench seats, the same dark wood with dirty stained red leather with little padding remaining in this first area there are maybe 5 tables and a little empty space...from here there are stairs down to the ground floor where the outdoor area is, the toilets (which are labelled Rosies and Jims) and a battered old sticker covered door which leads to the live music area. from the top of the stairs to the walled area itself this lower level is covered in posters advertising gigs and bands.
also form the initial table area there are stairs going up (only a coule though 3 or so) to the Bar area.. big leadlight glass windows cover half the left hand wall and look out over a park type area and some shoddy areas of town. the bar nearly fills the right hand side of the room.. there are 7 boothes on the left and maybe 3 tall round tables with 3 barstools each, there are no stools by the bar itself. everything is made fom the same heavy wood, a dark satined oak i would think. there are a few odds and sods of memorabelia and typical bar clutter around on the walls and shelves.. the lighting is not dissimilar to standard lamps (op shop type) but comes from fake tiffany lamps and wall lighting.. there are 3 arcade machines and no pokies just past the bar on the right a little further on there is an alcove with a pool table and some benches, there are two cigarette machines here.. at this end of the room between booth and pool table alcove there is a small stage with a DJ set up on it and and a bit of free space, for a DJ to play some decent music varying from portishead and spaced out trip hop, to full on, glass smashing, table tipping, Slayer...and everything in between.. its always quite full usually with people who you dont know but look interesting..a real mix from punx to buisness men at all times of day, they serve decent pub food, whenthey can be arsed.. there are always specials on jugs (which are 2 pint jugs) and on 6 scnhapps for 5 bucks (nasty nasty melon lemon apple blackcurrant peach and watermelon)

The band room is about as big as edens but attached to the bar.. it has a small bar on the right hand side a decent sized stage, a booth for a sound guy and aside from the stage which has some 1970s stage lighting and some rope lights its very dark down here, there is a corner by the door with no lighting whatsoever and 3 old falling apart leather sofas, you cant see what colour they are or were.. the floor is wooden down here with no carpet..its sticky in places there are maybe 2 tables and no chairs..if you ar ein there you stand and watch the band or lean on the bar and drink.. the atmosphere is good and the bands green room is always open and reeks like weed smoke.. there is a grand piano for somereason on one corner of the stage...it probably doesnt work..but no one ever tries it. Band area is maybe 150 people max capacity

The Rovers Return , that familiar smell of stale ciggarette smoke and beer, the worn green leather seats in the booths, the friendly barmaid, the atmosphere of 'let it all hang out- your home', nestled in between state housing developments. No bands, no jukebox, no drunks, noone under 25, a comfortable establishment where regulars can put their feet up after a hard days work.