In the beginning there was nothing. After the Big Gravy Stroke, the myriad of splatterings pulsed with life and congeled into planets, lifeforms, and El Schlong. Three homosapiens on a righteous crusade to create. Their numerous musical influences combined with their own creative juices leaving the stiff cloth you hear today. El Schlong’s music is metal with a twist of random. Like satan in the bath puzzled by the ginger pube on the soap. Like a bloodied 2 by 4 with tinsel trim. Like Colonel Mustard in the ballroom with the meat tenderiser.......... After being chased out of Dunedin by a crazed mob, the band relocated to the bright lights of Wellington where they are slowly gathering a following of confused young men in white makeup, and others. They have just released their debut album The Baddies Are Coming. You may purchase this by messaging them on this site, or from the sifty one-eyed man in the alley down yonder. If he tries to sell you the "coathanger combo", politely decline. El Schlong are relocating to London in July so catch them live while you can.