recipe #1

start with your instrument in hand, singing a song by your favorite artist, say the beach boys,
sing their melody
play ROCK chords beneath
exploit the major third as much as possible
make sure th tempo is unaturally fast
halfway through go minor for a while
do a couple a hits on the floor drum
then come back in with the chorus
hit drums some more
chorus
repeat fade out.

• Optional Wurlitzer at any point- only chordal stabs,

recipe #2

starts with a kind of football fanatic chanting, large group
the chanting goes on a long time
when all seems lost
drums appear
and proceed to kick the shit out off all living funk in sight,
they just close the whole thing down
even bootsy's just lying their stunned
the fanatics keep chanting
slipping effortlessly through the accents
of the groove
builds up till the fanatics rhythm gets twisted and snapped by the drumming
fades out

recipe #3

free metre
pick 2 chords
strum back and forth
maybe some lazy picking
sing about something you would prefer to be secret but you know it's almost ok to sing about
make some kind of halfhearted attempt at a lilting change without changing the chords
then back to the first
repeat, building up intensity
speed up to a mild crescendo
chill

recipe #4 (requires disco beat)

begin with loud gay piano progression
let it run for a while
kick in beat with a black female negro colored soul styled fanfare
continue as is for a long time
use special tricks like long slow snare buildup fill
record scratching
bass removal
offbeat accent
synth pads
and break it down
to
the

loud gay piano progression
bring it back in very craftily (with bon jovi deftness)
to full power house frenzy

recipe # 5

put on your stiffest shoes
record yourself tapdancing in the kitchen
select 2 loops of that
lay them down, side by side, like a cemetary
find a pot, that pot is your snare, hit the snare where you feel it best fits
try hitting or scratching or banging whatever around is gonna make that grove more culpable
then get to spitting on it
the spit is your hi hat
you may need something to collect that or use a napkin
chose 3 bassnotes
play them in a way that seems awkward or wrong, slower than the groove but still fitting it
go with that, try to build it up if you can
leave alot of room to breath.
instrumental